My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
