just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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