i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize