Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My bed smells like the plague
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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