Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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