I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
