dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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