he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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