eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
