Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
