She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
