I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
