So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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