so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
