So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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