Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
