We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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