I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
