i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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