i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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