you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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