You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
