I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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