Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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