found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
