I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
