addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
