i permit you to call me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
