Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
