So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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