I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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