I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
