I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
