...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
