ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
