Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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