I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
