so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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