in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
