Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
