McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
