She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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