this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
