Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
