Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
