And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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