I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
