remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
