We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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