I just cut my nipple shaving
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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