Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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