it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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