well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
