i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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