only you would photoshop your dick
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
