who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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