do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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