I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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