This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
