You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize