Having a random hookup so left but love u
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
