I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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