She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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