is wine microwaveable?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Blood and glitter go together right?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
