I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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