sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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